I sometimes feel that I am very wise. I can give good, heavy, long lectures to anybody and most of the times I manage to change their minds but when it comes to use that wisdom in my own life with the people who mean the most to me, all of it just evaporates. Maybe I get too much attached, resulting in too much expectations, resulting in too much disappointment. I sometimes expect thing from people which I myself don't give to them and the worst thing is I don't understand the difference then. Even if the other person tries, I get too sticky and impossible! I give too much of importance to myself and now I have begun to feel that its spoiling my relationship with my most dear ones.
'Life is too short to regret'. This is one line that we hear over and over again. Though I don't know how true it is, I don't want to take a chance.
Now that I know where the problem lies, I hope I can correct. I am going to start with today. May God bless me!

I so wish sometimes I were very, very dumb. I so wish I could never get that what the other person is telling is not true, that the person doesn't mean a word of what he is saying with that broad smile. I so wish I could not see through the facade. I so wish I could fall in love with the most imperfect, mean guy who just looks dashing and intelligent and sweeps me off with a gregarious sense of humor and amazing poetry, who would dump me, cause me emotional anguish and leave me with a broken heart and wounded pride. I so wish I could then make sense of all the soppy love songs. I so wish I could wail out loud, scream in despair, loathe myself. I so wish I could then finally pick myself up, dust off the dirt, wipe off the tears and make a whole new beginning.

I so want to wipe my slate clean and begin afresh. Not because I loathe my life- I don't, on the contrary I quite love it. But I'm aching to make that new beginning after the decay. To start something after everything is ruined. It must be interesting, adventurous..

But alas that's not to be. I don't know why I have to get the truth behind everything people say with sugar coating, don’t know why I have to see through the facade. And I don't know why, most importantly, I always had to guard so vociferously my precious heart. I so wish I could set it free sometime, leave it unprotected and not stand guard like a bird so ferociously guards her little ones. I so want to know how it feels to be heartbroken in love, to make sense of all the sad songs in the world, to touch a chord somewhere. Why I could never let go?!

Alright, enough of philosophy! Away from all these unfulfilled wishes, I am a happy person today. I am happy that I didn’t let go. Didn’t need those soppy songs to define my mood ever. Never reacted dramatically on the truth behind those broad smiles, rather I learned to give back; give back broader and more pleased smiles, many times when I didn’t even mean it. I am happy I always guarded my heart because today I have a person in my life who loves me more than he can ever love even himself. Now, I don’t think he will ever let me make sense of those sad songs! But then which happy person loves sad songs? Not me, I don’t need them. I am happy I waited for him. Maybe somewhere inside I knew he was waiting for me!