Commonwealth Games closed... Let the Audit begin...

I always knew that all this hue and cry about Kalmadi's mismanagement of funds will settle once the Games begin. But it felt sad that the same people and media who were thrashing Kalmadi once were praising him after the opening ceremony. Everybody just seemed to have forgotten that episode of corruption. Are good opening ceremony and successful games a gloss for Kalmadi for the gross misuse of funds?
While I too loved and enjoyed every Indian win, as also some other wonderful performances, I do not want to forget in this euphoria the massive misuse of funds and authority that has gripped this game’s organisation and games related infrastructure development. And before I go ahead, I want to say that the excellent and heart-warming performances by our athletes has been despite the system, not because of the system.
But, on the other hand, why just Kalmadi.. Making Kalmadi or some others the scapegoat would be wrong. These guys need to be taken to the cleaners, sure, but a lot of others including those from the Delhi government and sports ministry and the urban development ministry need to be given the stick as well.
It would have been so apt to have the president say after the spectacular closing ceremony that the games are closed, now let the audit begin.. :)

No matter what anybody may say... there is something magical about the Delhi monsoon. The first few showers are so welcome, they make all women feel like Sridevi in a wet saree. Last weekend while enjoying the first shower of monsoon (my first monsoon with my husband) we decided to cash in on Chittapan's promise of Gol Gappe. So, we hopped to their place and left for market. Though the drizzle had almost stopped by that time, we watched the crowds outside the Dwarka markets dancing under a light drizzle. It reminded me of the one really gauche and hopelessly scripted scene from the film - when the actress in the film frolics provocatively under obviously artificial studio rain, kisses a visibly embarrassed Naseeruddin Shah and promptly produces a baby! Monsoon is really magical :)

Horrible, isn’t it. Most of us remain rooted and stuck in our petty little worlds, when it comes to dealing with disasters and tragedies. The nasty tendency is to personalise it. The first, instinctive reaction generally goes something like this – “Oh God, thank the lord all my loved ones are safe and I didn’t know anybody on that ill fated flight!” Once that is out of the way, we then switch gears and start thinking about the victims …. their families. The enormity of the devastation sinks in well after we have dealt with our own fears and insecurities. We vow never to fly with the doomed airline again, never to fly with the entire family in the same plane, to avoid trips during the monsoons, and several other ‘dos and donts’ that are promptly forgotten before the week is out. As of now the already tattered reputation of our national airline, the pride and joy of India once upon a time, lies in shambles. The pointless blame game has begun. There are theories galore, and the foreign pilot is being blamed for the tragedy,which is an awful thing to do considering he isn’t around to defend himself. The minister has offered to resign – as if that helps matters. Stay, and assume responsibility, Praful. That is the right and honourable thing to do.
Meanwhile our deepest sympathies to the families of those whose lives were cruelly and abruptly cut short through no fault of theirs. May their souls rest in peace. And yes – let’s respect their memories by scrapping that bogus ‘enquiry’ which will reveal nothing but waste a lot of public money. Like all government enquiries, this one too will be another eyewash.

Would you want your child to be gay or a lesbian?
The other day my husband saw an advertisement in newspaper of an electrical shop called 'Gay Electrical'. He showed it to me and said what kind of shop would want to name itself like this!. i argued that the term 'gay' has another meaning too i.e. very happy and carefree but still i couldn's relate it with an electrical shop so we just had a laugh and let it go. But what lingered in my mind is that this term is something that always has raised eyebrows?

Unlike members of other minority groups these individuals are not raised in a community of similar others from whom they learn about their identity and who reinforce and support that identity. Rather, these individuals are often raised in communities that are either ignorant of or openly hostile toward homosexuality. They face bashing and hate speeches all the time and the only good behavior they have is sympathy. Why cant people give them same respect that they give to any other person? Why cant people treat them as any other person? What difference does it make to you what a person’s sexual preference is till you don’t want to sleep with him? I feel bad for them, actually sorry for them that they are born in a time when other ‘normal’ people don’t have enough sensibility to accept anything different than the majority.

People should be taught the importance of living authentically- accepting one’s homosexuality and embracing a positive gay identity. Our world would be a more convenient place to live.

Anyways, my question is still the same- Would you want your child to be a gay or a lesbian? Think about it. Or even better, think about the situation if he is. Maybe this will make you behave better.

My 24th birthday, my first birthday after marriage, my first birthday with Dinesh and he made sure it was very special!
Back home, in my family, birthdays meant birthday-wishes from all first thing in the morning with lots of hugs and kisses, an early bath, new clothes, cake cutting in the evening and special dinner. So it has always been a special day for me.
But this year I was not expecting the same old things. I was sure that Dinesh won’t let it be too boring but never expected him to be sooo thoughtful! Yesterday he lied to me for the first time because he had to go out and buy gift for me. I didn’t have a clue of what was going on behind me!
When I got up in the morning and Dinesh lead me to the drawing room it was all decorated with colourful balloons. He had planned a cake too but it was damage in the transit so we had it yesterday evening as a friend’s gift to Chittappan. Oh my husband is such a liar! But I love him so much :)
Although the party has been postponed to Sunday, the day has been happening till now and I am looking forward to each minute of this day!
The balloons in the drawing room still bring a wide smile on my face :) :)
Happy Birthday to me :)

I sometimes feel that I am very wise. I can give good, heavy, long lectures to anybody and most of the times I manage to change their minds but when it comes to use that wisdom in my own life with the people who mean the most to me, all of it just evaporates. Maybe I get too much attached, resulting in too much expectations, resulting in too much disappointment. I sometimes expect thing from people which I myself don't give to them and the worst thing is I don't understand the difference then. Even if the other person tries, I get too sticky and impossible! I give too much of importance to myself and now I have begun to feel that its spoiling my relationship with my most dear ones.
'Life is too short to regret'. This is one line that we hear over and over again. Though I don't know how true it is, I don't want to take a chance.
Now that I know where the problem lies, I hope I can correct. I am going to start with today. May God bless me!

I so wish sometimes I were very, very dumb. I so wish I could never get that what the other person is telling is not true, that the person doesn't mean a word of what he is saying with that broad smile. I so wish I could not see through the facade. I so wish I could fall in love with the most imperfect, mean guy who just looks dashing and intelligent and sweeps me off with a gregarious sense of humor and amazing poetry, who would dump me, cause me emotional anguish and leave me with a broken heart and wounded pride. I so wish I could then make sense of all the soppy love songs. I so wish I could wail out loud, scream in despair, loathe myself. I so wish I could then finally pick myself up, dust off the dirt, wipe off the tears and make a whole new beginning.

I so want to wipe my slate clean and begin afresh. Not because I loathe my life- I don't, on the contrary I quite love it. But I'm aching to make that new beginning after the decay. To start something after everything is ruined. It must be interesting, adventurous..

But alas that's not to be. I don't know why I have to get the truth behind everything people say with sugar coating, don’t know why I have to see through the facade. And I don't know why, most importantly, I always had to guard so vociferously my precious heart. I so wish I could set it free sometime, leave it unprotected and not stand guard like a bird so ferociously guards her little ones. I so want to know how it feels to be heartbroken in love, to make sense of all the sad songs in the world, to touch a chord somewhere. Why I could never let go?!

Alright, enough of philosophy! Away from all these unfulfilled wishes, I am a happy person today. I am happy that I didn’t let go. Didn’t need those soppy songs to define my mood ever. Never reacted dramatically on the truth behind those broad smiles, rather I learned to give back; give back broader and more pleased smiles, many times when I didn’t even mean it. I am happy I always guarded my heart because today I have a person in my life who loves me more than he can ever love even himself. Now, I don’t think he will ever let me make sense of those sad songs! But then which happy person loves sad songs? Not me, I don’t need them. I am happy I waited for him. Maybe somewhere inside I knew he was waiting for me!

The weather is gloomy for the past few days and I am having a long weekend. In conditions like this I sometimes tend to get in the way of figuring out myself! Soul-searching....

Basically I love myself and there are not many things that I can think of that I want to change in myself. I am assured of this as I have people in my life who know me well and still love me.

I am severely negative and fiercely positive. And no complaints, I want to remain like this. I can take to my grave a barely perceptible frown and I can ignore and shield the darkest, deepest evil. I sometimes refuse to heal and I sometimes refuse to hurt. Of course, I don't go daggers at those who hurt me but I don't close the chapter either. Off late, I’ve been asking myself what gives me the right to sit in judgment, what gives me the right to decide that I will forgive x and remember y. I’ve been wondering if the reason why we are willing to forgive is the horror of being never forgiven in turn, of living rent-free in their minds and memories, of living in the slime-shadow of curses and wails. Maybe, the reason why we don't forgive is because it involves willfully erasing that one intense memory that still connects us to a once-loved villain. I’ve been feeling that I don't let go. Something slippery wraps itself around my soul. And if I do let go, a part of me vanishes. I can't be sure whether it's a good part or a bad one but sometimes I miss it bad.